12+ Funny Excuses For Calling in Sick (Worst Real-Life Excuses)

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When people call in sick, they typically give a reason as to why they can’t make it in for that particular shift. While these reasons can be completely true, they can also be made up to get your employees out of a day of work- and sometimes they sound hilarious!

Some of the funniest reasons why people call into work can include hilarious illnesses like unstoppable diarrhea or vomiting, 24/7 sick pets or livestock, it is best to use your judgement to discern whether your employee is being truthful or making up a ridiculous excuse to get you to not ask further questions.

Want some humor in your life? Let’s look at some ridiculous excuses people make to get a sick day off work so they can just stay home and chill or get more sleep for the day.

Top Funny Excuses For Calling in Sick

Just do me a favor, “Don’t Laugh” at these poor souls.

1.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, I Can’t Stop Pooping!”

One of the most common people use why they can’t come to work is uncontrollable diarrhea. While this can be quite funny to hear, it’s essential, as an employee, that you do not laugh as if they’re telling the truth, this can be a serious issue.

2.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, I Can’t Stop Vomiting!”

Similar to the excuse that your employee can’t stop pooping, the vomiting excuse, while funny, can also be serious. Therefore, it’s best you tell your employee to take the day and return to work with a doctor’s note to prove that their illness is not contagious.

3.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, My Cow Is Sick!”

Another funny excuse that is often used are pet illnesses. The funniest is when people try to tell you that their odd choice of a pet is sick. For example, imagine getting a call saying, “hey boss, I can’t make it to work cause my cow is sick!” 

Livestock illnesses are often the funniest excuses because they can often be completely random. For example, your employee may call in sick cause their cow is giving birth, or their sheep are constipated, and they need to take them to the vet.

4.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, I Overslept!”

Lazy employees will give less elaborate excuses as to why they can’t make it to work. For example, these individuals may call in sick cause they’ve slept through their alarm.

Those who are even braver may even try to tell their boss they’ve overslept and are, therefore, too tired to work- which can also be hilarious to hear.

5.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, My Grandmother Poisoned Me!”

Grandmothers, while often known for their amazing homemade meals, aren’t professional chefs and can, unfortunately, mess their recipes up. This can not only lead to food borne illnesses like food poisoning and salmonella poisoning but can also lead to your employees possibly having a bad stomach the next day.

This excuse is commonly used by employees wanting a day off as it is often quite hard to prove if false and can also often cause their employer to have a little chuckle, making the individual not feel so bad about missing work.

6.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, My Fish Is Sick!”

Pet fish illnesses are another funny excuse people use to get themselves a day off. For example, if your employee is known to be a huge fish lover, this may be a dependable excuse. However, take note that this excuse is often used as merely that- an excuse, and rarely often implies the truth.

Fish illnesses are a rare but hilarious excuse that, if your employee chooses to use, can and will make you giggle wondering whether your employee truly loves their little fish that much, or if they’re just trying to get out of work.

7.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, I’m Having A Bad Hair Day!”

Bad hair days happen to all of us! Regardless of whether your hair is frizzy, won’t stay up, or is just driving you crazy, unfortunately, this is not considered a valid excuse to call in sick. Often, your boss will merely laugh at you and tell you to come in anyway.

Try to make the best of your bad hair day and if possible, try to cover it up with a hat, this will make you feel less self-conscious and should get you to work on time.

Take note, however, that some jobs require a trimmed, precise, proper appearance. These can include professions like modelling. Therefore, it is best to prepare your appearance with plenty of time beforehand in order to ensure you don’t have to use this ridiculous excuse to get out of a job. 

8.”Boss, I’m Sorry, I Forgot It Was Monday!”

Lazy and bad employees may also call in sick, saying they “forgot it was a Monday.” These can be some of the funniest excuses people use to get out of work and should be dealt with appropriately.

Individuals who call into work saying they’re not coming in because they “forgot the day of the week” or “forgot they were scheduled” are often not good employees.

Take note, however, that humans can sometimes be forgetful. So, if a good employee makes this funny excuse once, you may be able to let it slide. 

On the other hand, if you have an employee making this excuse often, disciplinary action should be taken immediately and if the behavior continues, you may need to terminate the staff member in order to stop other employees from thinking these excuses are ok.

9.”Boss, I Had A Long Night Out and Woke Up in The Hospital!”

Individuals who use this excuse are known to be reckless and should not be permitted to continue to work in your establishment. While their behavior off-duty may be funny, these kinds of dangerous risk-takers can, unfortunately, allow their problems outside of work to affect their overall work performance.

If an employee uses this excuse once or twice, try checking in on them as they may be experiencing some external problems that you may not be aware of. Use human empathy and your discernment here. If the behavior continues, then it’s time to think of what’s best moving forward for you and the company.

10.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, The Universe Is Telling Me I Need A Day Off!”

While spirituality can be an incredible thing to foster in one’s lifetime, using your spirituality as a reason to get out of work is often seen as hilarious by most employers.

For example, if you were to call into your boss and say “Hey, I can’t come to work today because the universe said I need a day off,” they may laugh at you or fire you for not being reliable.

11.”Hey Boss, My Doctor Said I Need More Vitamin D, So I’m Going to The Beach!”

Funny excuses followed by the “prescription” of a doctor, are another hilarious way people tend to try to get out of work. For example, some employers have reported that past employees have even gone as far as to call in sick saying “my doctor said I need more vitamin D, so I’m going to the beach.”

If the employee has a doctor’s note, often there isn’t much an employer can do but laugh when told these excuses. Take note, however, that if an employee says their doctor told them to do something, they should therefore be able to obtain a doctor’s note. If they can’t, then they are lying as to why they can’t make it into that particular shift.

12.”Boss, I Can’t Come In, I Just Found My Partner Cheating.”

Excuses like these, while often funny to hear due to their unexpectedness, can also be quite humiliating for employees to confess- especially during moments of deep emotional trauma. 

Therefore, if faced with a situation like this, the best thing to do is be empathetic as an employer and offer your sympathies and support if you feel that is appropriate.

13. “Boss, My Dog Ate My Alarm Clock!”

We’ve all heard the classic “dog ate my homework” excuse, but what about an updated version? Imagine an employee explaining, “I won’t be able to make it to work on time because my dog devoured my alarm clock.” While this might sound like a clever twist, it’s essential to remind your team that punctuality remains a key professional trait.

14. “Boss, I’m Taking a ‘Day of Enlightenment'”

Sometimes, employees need personal growth days. But calling in saying, “I’m taking a day of enlightenment to find my true purpose in life” adds a touch of humor to the mix. While you appreciate their quest for self-discovery, gently remind them that finding enlightenment might involve more than a single day off.

15. “I can’t come to work today because I was abducted by aliens last night.”

The scary otherworldly encounter. Yes, you read that right. While most people might joke about being taken by extraterrestrial beings, this employee decided to use it as a legitimate excuse. Perhaps they just needed a break from earthly responsibilities.

16. “I’m taking a sick day because my fortune-teller advised me to stay home and contemplate the cosmos.” 

While self-care is essential, basing it on the advice of a fortune-teller might raise a few eyebrows. Nonetheless, this excuse does make for an intriguing narrative.

Probably one of the worst excuse to take a day off, who is I to judge?

17. “Boss, I Can’t Come In, I Just Discovered My Inner Zen!”

While embracing spirituality is admirable, using it as a reason to dodge work can lead to a chuckle or two from employers.

Imagine receiving a call from an employee saying, “Sorry, I won’t be in today because my horoscope suggests I need to find my inner Zen.” It’s certainly an interesting twist on taking a mental health day.

I think the boss will probably need to take a mental day off after hearing such awe-inspiring work excuses.

Funniest Reasons Employee Said to Avoid Coming to Work?

The funniest reason people use to call in sick is when they fake an illness. After all, these are usually the easiest to catch people out on. Especially if they fake an injury or illness. 

For example, say your employee has called in sick because they have “broken their arm.” When they return to work, if their arm is not in a cast or bandage, you know they have straight up lied. 

If they continue to fake the injury this can also be funny as you will often seek them fake wince to get a reaction whenever you walk in the room to continue to get you to believe their story. One can also take note of when they perform tasks when they think you’re not looking to see if they struggle with their injury the same way as when you’re around.

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